The other day I had a meeting with a potential client. The client was upset when I said that the position the client wanted to take was not supported by the law and was unlikely to be successful in court.
"That's not what I want to hear." the client said.
"That may be so." I replied. "But it is the truth."
Divorce is very disruptive to the status quo. But it is imperative that we tell the clients the truth about their situation. Oftentimes there are strategies or alternatives that are better than others, and we help our clients achieve the best result possible. But strategies and alternatives are worthless if not based upon reality.
So I preach and mainly practice a fierce devotion to the truth. I may not tell you what you want to hear. But I will tell you what you need to hear.
Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. Thomas Jefferson
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Two Things You Can Learn From Sandra Bullock
First of all let me make clear that I don't know either of the parties to the Sandra Bullock/Jesse James marriage. I have no inside information and no opinion about whether America's klutzy sweetheart should have married or should stay married to the biker dude. But a couple of things are clear to me.
1st of all, your accomplishments, good looks and wealth are not enough to prevent your marriage from being in jeopardy. There are two people in every marriage, and your good qualities alone cannot prevent the other person from being unhappy. Perhaps they should, to a reasonable outside observer. Doesn't matter. Sometimes, its just not about you.
Secondly, history matters. As William Faulkner said, "The past isn't dead. It isn't even past."
James had been married twice before he married Bullock and had three children. Now, its not that you can never ever marry someone who was previously married. You can. But should you marry someone who has failed at marriage twice? Hmmm...That is not so clear-cut. But even if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, consider the fact that his most recent marriage was to a stripper. Hmmmm...And that James got custody of their child together because this ex-wife was in jail. Hmmmmmmm...
Although I don't know Bullock personally, I don't see her as a stripper-inmate-type of person. And while certainly people can change, the stripper-inmate was James' wife just before he met Bullock. So he has a recent history of attraction to a type of person who seems diametrically opposed to Bullock's public persona.
As Damon Runyan once said, "The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet."
1st of all, your accomplishments, good looks and wealth are not enough to prevent your marriage from being in jeopardy. There are two people in every marriage, and your good qualities alone cannot prevent the other person from being unhappy. Perhaps they should, to a reasonable outside observer. Doesn't matter. Sometimes, its just not about you.
Secondly, history matters. As William Faulkner said, "The past isn't dead. It isn't even past."
James had been married twice before he married Bullock and had three children. Now, its not that you can never ever marry someone who was previously married. You can. But should you marry someone who has failed at marriage twice? Hmmm...That is not so clear-cut. But even if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, consider the fact that his most recent marriage was to a stripper. Hmmmm...And that James got custody of their child together because this ex-wife was in jail. Hmmmmmmm...
Although I don't know Bullock personally, I don't see her as a stripper-inmate-type of person. And while certainly people can change, the stripper-inmate was James' wife just before he met Bullock. So he has a recent history of attraction to a type of person who seems diametrically opposed to Bullock's public persona.
As Damon Runyan once said, "The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet."
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